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Poetry, Rants, and Raves...
The Stylings of Jess
This site was last updated on 09/29/03.
Foreword
Foreword
For the next few minutes, I am going to ask you to do something that no one else has ever done. I'm going to ask you to abandon everything you've ever known, thought, or been told.
This includes everything! No limits, no bibles, no golden rules, nothing. Just you. Your body, including your brain, your soul, etc..
Now, just read.
Take in every sentence I say as if it were a bite of the food. Savor every word as if it were the first time you were ever going to taste this food. Imagine it to be the most delicious thing you have ever tasted.
That's what learning is. That's what it feels like to open your mind and allow it to grow.
Wasn't that fun?
Below is a list of my poetry by title, please feel free to read anything you want, but do not under any circumstances duplicate any part or whole of any of my work without my direct written permission! That's called copyright infringement and if you do it you will either go to jail or face a huge lawsuit.
In other words... DON'T DO IT!
The difference between Kids and Adults
Kids are happy because
They haven’t been forced
Into submission
Adults need enema’s & cocktails because they have.
My Faults
I have always been good
At pointing out some one else’s faults
But never felt the need to point out mine
Since everyone else usually does that for me
Freedom Isn't Free
I was homeless once
It lasted for five years or so
I slept on benches
Rooftops
And strange men
No one that I knew
Thought I cared
I spent days without food
Donating plasma in between
It was a way to eat
And bought me a ticket
For the acid trip
That would allow me to forget
That I was a junkie
Only after being straight didn’t work
I was raped by people who were supposed to help
Robbed by friends
Abused by family
And still I was blamed for my
“Situation”
No one owned up to putting me out
Throwing me away
Compassion over took the faces
Of those with tied hands
My heart broke everyday
As my faith was crushed
Today I am depressed
I’m no longer on the streets
I traded the best thing I ever had (freedom)
For a warm bed and something to eat
Closet Addicts
Alcohol causes liver damage
And has been known to kill many a people
Anti depressants are $5 a pill but socially acceptable
And somewhat fashionable
Smoking pot went down with the hippies in the 60s
Even though everyone does it
And no one admits it
RED:
I color in red because I can
The only limitations in this life
are the ones I place on myself
Bitter
Why do I care what others think?
Especially when they are all
selfish mother fuckers who don't
care if I am lying in the floor naked and bleeding,
If I wanted to piss myself right now
I could
If I wanted to get off 80 times a day
I would
and If I want to be like them
than please
shoot me
(the end)
Death By Adulthood
I feel like my life is over
Or ending
And I’m waiting for someone
To knock on my door
With a new script of a new beginning
And you know the credits will role soon
Getting a little nervous
And it’s still not coming
My mind is racing
Wondering if I missed the cue
Wondering if this really is the end
And it hurts
Like doing a death scene
And realizing it’s not a scene
I look around
And suddenly the actors
Have become my friends and family members
But they’re older now
Solemn
Quietly morning
And you grab onto the rays of light
Beaming on your casket as they start throwing the dirt
over you
Panicking you start squirming
But the oxygen is running out
And the air is getting thin
So you frantically beat on the inside of the coffin
Hoping someone will hear you
Over their sobs
And where in the hell is the director?
Why are they really burying you
And you think back to the script
The ending
It wasn’t supposed to end like this you think
As you hear the last car pull away
Sobbing you begin to hear the closing music
Something sappy
Reflective
And there it is
The fade
The names
The final thank you’s
And then black.
Immortalized Idol:
Kurdt Cobain was a gorgeous mother fucker
who is dead
and by dying he said
"Fuck you!"
to his nagging wife
the ridiculousness of money and
all idolizations
the irony of it all
is that he hated being famous
yet in death he became
immortalized
Adulthood:
Life was meaningful and deep
When I was a flower
Now I am a rock
A big fat lazy boulder
Who doesn't move
And doesn’t grow
No wonder I feel so damn old
And bored
I need to stretch
I need to grow
I need to get laid
And find the fun in
Pissing everyone off
Doing things just because
I can
and you don't want me to
&Nbsp;
Conformity
What's the proper way to be proper?
What's the right way to be right?
What is the normal way to being normal?
And what in the hell is the point?
Unless of course I'm right and
there is no point
Dizzy:
Throw up
sit down
stand up
spin around
here it comes
throw up
sit down
stand up
run around
crazy shit
sit
stand
sit
jump
up
run
Aww fuck
Why I worship Charles Bukowski:
Bukowski was a horney
drunk that fucked way too much
he was rude
yet honest
and had little morals
But fuck if he wasn't a genius!
He said it all
He drank
He gambled
He fucked some more
His decree was
vini vidi pussy
True Sadness:
I'd rather be lost
Than forgotten
Because when you're lost
You usually don't know that you're lost
Or just plain have no idea where you're at
But when you're forgotten
Your existence is surrounded by pain
Being forgotten pierces the soul
Like diving into a pool of needles pierces your flesh
Say Something & Be Heard:
I want to say something great
that people will remember me for
but everything that comes out of my mouth has the appearance of
mindless dribble regurgitated
from the minds of thieves who
stole their words from others
Growing up:
Why would anyone ever
want
to grow up?
growing up is the acceptance of a life sentence
which has been served down by the others before you
and places you into a world of bondage and submission
Soul speaking:
The words of my soul
ring throughout my mind
like the acoustics of a large cathedral
they boom with truth
yet no one will ever hear them
no one will know how great
I (my mind) is
I have an uncontrollable yearning to be the offspring
of Bukowski, Kerouac, & Cobain
after an orgy of brilliance
and I could be, but
I just can't reach it
And so I live each day yearning to be recognized
and for being able to say all that enters my mind
Like a game of telephone with the Gods
I know all
yet I am mute
And I cannot share what no one wants to hear
so instead I will seek to numb myself with foolish hobbies
and try to pass the time that I have on this earth
alone
silent
mute
yearning
burning
trying
dying
I want to be remembered:
When I die will you remember me?
Will you know me the way I want to be known?
Will you cry
because you finally realize what I have tried to say for all of these years?
Or will you cry
out of your own stupid self-pity
in a plea for others to console you?
Those of you that turned your back on me when I offered you a portal into
my world of insight truth and knowledge?
When I die
will the energy of pain
that I've stored in salt filled wounds
finally come back to you?
Or will you be numb
dumb
and oblivious much like you are now?
Slipping:
Somewhere on my journey of life
I slipped through the cracks
like remnants of water
after a flood
I trickle down
down
down
into nothingness until
finally I land
alone
forgotten
unmissed by all
and the flood has continued without me
Invasion of the mind:
Deep philosophical thoughts
enter my mind
like an invasion
of plague infested
soldiers
un-allowing for me
to live a "normal" life
Instead I am torn
between what is real
and what "the man" would
have us believe what is real
They say ignorance is bliss
and in this truth seeking fragile
state of mind
I believe
them.
In fact it is the only thing
I believe
that others say.
A lesbian's profession of love to 2 men:
Only 2 men in this life time have ever
not hurt me
Not raped me
not taken from me
One of which is dead now
The other has geniusly
retreated into the deep recesses of his own mind
Staying in his house
except when he has to come out
The rest of the time he lives
inconspicuously
in a row home
where no one misses him
Except for me
He is a teacher,
of life, of experience
a hippie in the most beautiful way
He has seen what I am seeing now
That life outside of ourselves can be
treacherous, terrifyingly obtrusive
in a society that is uncaring
impolite and uneducated
For that reason he is beautiful
because when you enter his world
you see life the way it was meant to be seen
through his eyes
listening with his heart, his ears, his mind
When you enter his world
you are entering the wondrous place that
the only other person to imagine life this way was John Lennon
In strawberry fields
a place lead by Sgt. pepper
where no revolutions need exist
because everyone wants to give peace a chance
On this entirely too short yet all too grueling
journey through life,
I am finally learning that if you want to exist
in a place of peace love and happiness
you have to live from within
the confines of your own mind.
24:
In a matter of a mere 48 hrs. or so
I will turn 24.
I feel as though I should not celebrate
because what I am I celebrating?
Life?
Victory of survival?
Do I look at this birthday as if it were 24 years behind me?
Or that I have yet another year to look forward to?
What good is it to celebrate the fact that we were born?
On our dates of birth?
Especially, if we are so unhappy with our lives?
Or Are our birthdays another day for resolutions
making wishes for what we hope will be?
Or what we hope will never be again?
Birthdays are supposed to be a celebration by our
friends and families in our honor.
Yet when I look around the empty table stocked with
imaginary cakes, ice creams, and gifts
I look into empty chairs that should be filled
with empty faces.
People that have betrayed me, hurt me, yet swear they love me
I am intrigued by the fact that on the date of MY birth
Hallmark makes more than I do
The cards I receive stating the things that
parents and others feel they should say
even though they do not mean
or do not know how to be.
With that said I have 47hrs left until the day that I will be 24.
Dancing souls:
Dance with me little sister
Dance with me in the light of the
shadowy moon
Dance with me in the glory of ourselves
and bask in the night
Dance for all that has overtaken us
let's shed our clothes in the gardens
and pretend that we are merely silouehettes
We should dance to the tunes of our souls
like jukeboxes of yesterday
stored in our hearts
and forget that we are bound
shackled by society
Our lives
Our jobs
our cars and ourselves
lets dance like the ghosts on Hallows Eve
until we can dance no more.
2:15 PM 1/24/2003
Controlling your thoughts:
This is the diary of a madman
I will warn you now
If you are reading this then it's too late
for you to stop
By now my words have invaded your mind and you will be hooked
I will be the hypnotist
that coerces you into thinking the way that I do
And by the time you're done you'll begin to see
the sets and props around you
the fakeness of it all
Nothing in this life is real
Or is it?
one day you will see
just how superficial we can all be
I want you to stop your reading for just a moment
and think about what I have just said
Did you stop?
Or are you still going?
Are you thinking about each sentence just as I have typed it?
Or are you only trying to reach the end?
Why do we always try to reach the end of things?
Do we secretly like the sadness of parting with things that have made us happy?
Things that have filled our time on Earth?
Or are you hurrying off to somewhere in particular?
Does any place really exists, or is it a stopping point between here and there
a place designed to help you pass your time.
Time here on Earth is just that
a stop
through our journey of eternity
We are only here
to sit and wait.
Some of us see that and others don't
those that don't seem happy and content to just do
just do the things that others tell them to
Those that see it do everything with caution
analyzing every breath because they know that they are here for a reason
They tend to be inverted because they
dare not exert themselves
Some in preparation for their next mission
So are you still reading? You must be if you read that.
And why are you still reading?
My hypnotic skills must be improving
Even though you may not know it I have already
done something that you might not have wanted me to.
I've robbed you of your first layer of innocence
and taken you to a new depth
You will never again be the same.
Nothing will ever be the same.
Everything changes
Do you feel the way those words drip with sadness?
Do you feel what I say?
Before you read this you were an infant
and now you are a toddler
your hair has grown just the slightest bit
And some things are over now
if you were watching Television while you read this
the show has gone on
and is closer to the end
the song on the radio is almost over
and even this random piece of babble is almost over
so what will you do next? Will you keep reading?
Or will you put this down?
Why are you still reading?
Do you need for me to say it?
That this piece is over
that this piece has finished?
I enjoy playing with your mind as you wait for the next verse
the next line
I keep you wanting
waiting and begging for the climax
the point
the cosmically orgasmic revelation to my reason
for writing this piece
and if you haven't found it yet
then there's a chance you never will
If you read this again and still don't find it
I suggest you keep looking
Don't give up
Keep going
Keep reading until you get exactly why
my next line will be:
THE END
Me, Me, Me:
I am selfish
All I ever talk about is me
I don't know any better
see even then I said "I don't know any better"
I was talking about me
I told you I was selfish.
But is it selfishness?
Or is it loneliness?
2:29 PM 1/24/2003
For the love of music:
This is a crash course in Music 101
Alone in a room
Walls Blue
Floor Blue
Shag, I think
Blue Bed
Clothes piled up on the floor
layers
symbolic of the layers in my mind
Like a suit of armor keeping from even myself
My teacher stands at the front of the room
Sitting on her brown wooden desk
I push her buttons and she fills my ears
guitars buzz around my head
like a swarm of angry bees
the vocalists violently assault me
and
I love it.
The way they forcefully penetrate my mind
like raping my
brain
and making me feel all 12" of their vinyl
Each note
Each lyric
forming a song
cutting another layer
they make me want it
they play with me for 3 mins. & 24 seconds
Teacher!
I crave more!
Give me more!
I seek out others like me
eating sleeping breathing the music
there is no better life
when you're living life on dangerous doses of music
the speed take the mind to a million places
the pleading steals the heart
and the tunes, the melodies, & the harmonies carry the soul
and when it's over
Boyyy, what a long strange trip its been.
the remedy
the layers are gone
and for those 3 minutes I have found peace, perfection and
happiness.
-JAL 10-26-02
Channel Surfing
I would think
as many as 200
probably not
the most outrageous
I can think of no reason
on the east coast
Introducing a break through
life isn’t always that serious
the last meal
so keep in touch with those closest to you
Only 99 cents
let me guide you all the way
think about abuses
I'm ready
now live
let's see that zipper thing again
as a result
my father went completely insane
I only wish we had a push button phone
Here is a little background on the piece you just read, it was literally done while channel surfing. I changed a channel, wrote down one of the first lines I heard, then changed the channel again and so forth. This was a method I created in order to release my mental block. Try it sometime
Prey
I walk towards the crowd
Otherwise known as a school
Of sharks
They open their jaws and try to swallow me up
I see their angry little teeth
And try to tell myself that none of its real
People are like that.
They want to suck you in
Then taint you with their fucked up beliefs
And if you don’t conform they will try to eat you alive
Even if they are wrong
In their own mind they are right
No one is as right as them
And they know best
That’s how I am.
I know what is true for me
But I don’t try to eat my prey for dinner
That’s what pizza’s for!
Film
Film allows us to openly cheer for rapists, serial killers, and geeks
Without feeling others will analyze us as
The psycho’s we really are.
Influence
The most influential people in society are there because:
- They lie to you
- And you believe it.
The New Millennium
The new millennium means:
- Priests are pedophiles
- Presidents are thieves
- War is fashion
- The latest get rich quick scheme involves the justice system
- The churches run the states
- And any moron can get famous with the right domain name
The Crime of Innocence
Innocence is a crime
To avoid jail time
You must be a rapist
Rid the world of a fag and you’ll get a medal
It’s the Olympics of extinction for the human race
Everyone’s running
But no one knows why
Media Fear
The man on the TV tells me to be afraid
Every day
I must fear someone or something else
I feel like David fucking Burkowitz
So I turn off the TV and decide to read
It’s Rolling Stone
Another story about innocence being stolen
Snipers outside the windows
Animals carry disease
The Chinese carry more
Arabs are terrorists
So are the French
Fries aren’t
They are now freedom.
Life is changing
Gotta keep up
Kids can’t play out side anymore
Without a gas mask
Radiation suit
And Global positioning systems implanted
It’s the lord of the flies
Meets a brave new world
Don’t eat the tomatoes they’ve got steroids!
Chickens are dirty
So we rip their legs out and feast
No no, humans are not the beasts
There’s songs that are poppy
But too sexual for kids.
Rating systems on sentences
Books, even reruns of the cosby show have been infected
Don’t stand still gotta keep moving
People at the gas station are scared of cell phones
The sparks could blow us all up
Cigarettes kill
Teens know more than generations before
The twenty somethings are lost
Between what was and what is
Thirty somethings Bitch but don’t do anything about it
Forty somethings are too consumed by their own shit to notice anyone else
Fifty something’s are joining gyms
Sixty year olds are going to college
Seventy year olds clutch their purses
Its all that is left
In the end of it all
It’s all we have left
Pension, social security, retirement,
Whatever you want to call it.
Its all the same.
The world is changing
And it’s a fucking shame.
4th of July
Today is the 4th of July
Everyone’s celebrating
But so few know why.
Businesses are celebrating
Sales
Workers celebrate a day off
Kids celebrate summer
We all enjoy the parties
But what about those who know
What its like elsewhere
What about those who are different?
Those that are poor
Those that are alone
And those who know
That none of us really aren’t free?
So Thats What it Feels Like
Upon first glimpse
I never knew it would be like this
when I hear your voice
I hear the laughter of our future children
To look in your eyes at 23 and feel
no, to know that I want to still be looking at those same eyes at 90.
Kissing you is like having all of the air gently robbed from my lungs
while my soul is lifted far above anything
man can know.
And I wonder if others are this fortunate
To know love
as I know love
to feel love
as I have felt it.
Being apart the seconds last for hours
as I long for the emotional trip that i feel when i am in your arms.
I guess this is what it feels like
to really be in love.
The Mingling of Lovers
The first time we touched I felt the fire
housed with in you
the fire that is in your eyes
and I felt my soul
dancing with yours
It was cold outside
and inside
inside of you as we made love
it grew warm
and comfortable
and as I closed my eyes I was transported
from one life to another
and now when we kiss
I feel it is my first kiss
and my soul begins to dance
dance with yours
Oh How We've Changed
On the sunniest day
darkeness fell
the sounds of planes
became sounds of missles
as all heads turned up
at the slightest rumble
as it turned into satan's roar
from the metal birds that hovered above
and we all pray that
it won't happen again
although I think, in all of our minds; somewhere
it already has
from smelling flowers
to wearing gas masks
oh how we've changed
sad that the smallest of men
became the most feared on such a beautiful day.
Oh how we've changed.
New Poetry as of 09/29/03
Space Invader
He smiled Mischieviously
fire burning, snake eyes
smiles
as if he knew the secrets
lingering inside of me
always guarded
scars of steel
locked and buried treasures
of pain
indiscribably eaten away
by maggots of bile
and stress
yet somehow he seemed
to know
what exactly
resided deep inside
"After the block"
(after "A man in my bed like cracker crumbs", "the sun" and "winter syntax")
Struggling persists all night
through alphabet bootprints
blazing with silence
shivering at dawn
the man answered me
stripped and snapped
billowing branches
crazy power reaches out
of blackness
relaxed and easy
typewriter punched
Coffee's good!
Tell all the truth
Tell all the truth but
Don't forget to sugar coat
For the cavaties of society
That plague our world
If you're a revolutionary
You've got to be wary
The truth will hurt
Like an absess
For others it will numb
Shots of novacain kinds of numbness
In a democratic society like ours
Only the rich & powerfully religious elite
Have the right to speak.
Ironys
Isn't it ironic
that the rich
and famous
eat for free just
for granting your toilets
the priveledge of kissing their asses
Yet the homeless work
begging
pleading
willing to pay ultimate prices
just for one or two
slices of your stale bread
and polluted water
and you turn them away
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